nut hugger
kristin has been a bad kristin
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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