I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
