i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
