I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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