I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
