he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
