Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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