We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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