I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
