Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hippo gnu deer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
