cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
