Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
