Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
