she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
