He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
