look no pants
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
