I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
