I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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