we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
