Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
