I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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