I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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