I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
