It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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