Having a random hookup so left but love u
from now on my penis is your penis
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
