She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I lost the right to judge tonight
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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