i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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