oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
