So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
