I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
