She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
