I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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