My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
