i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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