i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
