But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
