If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
