Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
