I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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