WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
