Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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