u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
