i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
