You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
