I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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