And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
