I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
