took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
