Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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