so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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