why didn't you poke me back
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
