Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
