when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
